viernes, 19 de febrero de 2016

Hello.

Coffee and water,
I was getting crazy
but she was always there understanding
I was putting upside down the house
and putting upside down my head
I was turning the table over and breaking every single thing on it
and she was there looking at me
faking she didn't know what was going on
but I bet she thought she should've gone before
and she was so scared
I don't know if of me, of what I've became
I don't know if of the future or the fucking present we was having
that actually
I was having but she was so in.
I was turning into nothing, just a miserable piece of flesh with bones
drinking coffee peeing water
and sometimes drinking ron,
smoking more cigarettes that I could actually pay for
and my girl crying in silence in the back door,
felt so guilty for making she worried.
I remember just few things maybe those that I dreamt
but her sweet eyes kind of crystallized having that little shine when you see a light and you're up to cry but swallow all inside, is like a scar she left on my heart, those times where everything was fucking dark
and it still killing me a little everyday 'cause I wish she wasn't living that shit with me
and every time I asked her "why?" she just answered kissing my forehead, "love"
and I just wanted to hug her and cry, give a fuck about strength and being a man,
I told her hundred times to leave but she just wanted to stay
I don't even remember how many times she held my hand and I was afraid 'cause I thought she'd say "goodbye" and all would come to an end and all my wounds would never heal 'cause she wasn't here
and even when I wanted her to leave cause I was afraid of me,
I was afraid of being alone,
she was the only thing I knew was real, the only thing that kept me warm and safe, the only thing that put my feet on earth, the one who put away my insanity and make me come back life again,
she was holding my mind, she was changing the weather, she let me hear the rain
and brought to my hands all the things that calmed me down
even if she had to travel to a non-existent fucking town
and I don't know how it all happened and how I'm now here writing this,
I just know that one day all ended up and I could finally breathe and when I truly opened my eyes and cleared my mind she was there kissing my hair, smiling in spite of all that, it's kind of a nightmare to remember, kind of a nightmare to be hearing everything now she's telling
but
found a paper where she wrote some months ago "everything will be alright, I love you" and fuck girl, I love you more.

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