jueves, 9 de julio de 2015

daddy

dad, i'm young
the kind of young that walks alone
not like before
now, every step i make it's because i decide to
you don't hold my hand anymore
you don't tell me when to cross the street
and it scares
daddy, i'm scared
and i know i never told you
'cause you still thinking our hands still together
but you're so far away, dad
and i have to make decisions that may be important for what's next
dad, i don't mean i want you to decide things for me
i don't mean i want to have 4 years old again
i'm just thinking out loud on a paper addressed to you
because i never knew i was alone
until everyone around me showed me people sometimes don't care about your feelings
(or about anything in your life)
until it was dark in my room and it was 4 a.m. in the morning
and i couldn't sleep because thousand of thoughts came to me in a wild way
and nobody would stop them for me, nobody would fight them for me
it was ok to notice that i could have company but in the end, i'll always be me and just me
loneliness should be my friend, dad?
or i'm just being too exaggerated?
it's just that i see you, dad
i hear you, i feel you so alone in this world
and your eyes look so sad and so done of all this
that i'm scared about that
about how tired you may be of being just you and a huge empty house
about being the best friend of loneliness
the only friend you've had died months ago
i don't know if you've recovered from that
or if you keep asking yourself "what should i've done to save him?"
maybe nothing, daddy
death is normal and he was old
a nice old man, as crazy as you, a little less
i hope you're not thinking it's too late for opening some doors
i don't know which ones are you afraid of
but i bet one is love
i named love because some time ago you warned me of it
i know that with the best intentions you could've got
"you're too young to suffer, honey"
and what? are you too old?
anyway, now that we're together, daddy (but not holding hands)
i'm a little afraid, as i told you in the beginning of this mess
but i hope i can find a way to erase it of my map
just to keep on walking with my mind clear and cold






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